The Early Morning Mirror

How is your Early Morning Mirror? I know you didn’t ask, but let me tell you about mine.

It’s horrid. Unkind. Cruel. Some days are worse than others, but none of them are kind or inviting anymore. It is with shock and awe that I face my Early Morning Mirror.

I’ve tried putting frozen spoons on my eyes. I’ve done the tea bag thing. I’ve tested the refrigerated cucumber slices. Nothing has helped. Of late, I’ve resorted to applying fresh-out-of-the-freezer icecubes on them in an attempt to shock/jolt the creases, bags and crevices back to relative smoothness. To no avail.

I’ve tried new pillows, fluffy pillows, firm pillows, double pillows, non-allergenic pillows and satin pillowcases. No help. Even then, that vicious army of ugly angry fatty globules marches into and onto my face nightly, invading, attacking and taking up residence in the upper 50% of my face.

So what am I supposed to do – sleep standing up, or sitting upright? Is it possible to sleep with eyes wide open?  Will keeping watch over the invasion of the UAFG’s prevent them from appearing?

After age 40, Beauty Sleep becomes an oxymoron. There is no such thing.

I know…I know. No one really cares, or notices, how my Early Morning Mirror looks. But I do. I care. Just like you care about yours.

This is my beautiful, contented, peaceful Early Morning Mirror… before I look into it. 

So, okay. So then it’s time to get ready for the day. And that’s when the work really begins. The toner, the moisturizer, the concealer, the foundation, the brightener, the eyelash curler, yada, yada, yada. (Please tell me you, too, know the drill.)

Hillary Clinton was right (for once I agree with her): It Takes A Village for me to physically and mentally take on the day. And why is it that now it takes about four (4!) times as long to look maybe, maybe, half (1/2!) as presentable? The math just doesn’t calculate. And it is not fair.

Okay. Okay. I know I’m being all superficial and shallow here.

So just to prove to you, my readers, out there (I think my readership is up to like 7 now!!) that I have a little substance, that I’m not always a shallow swimmer, I’ll share with you some of my favorite quotes on the subject of beauty.

“Beauty is not in the face. Beauty is a light in the heart.”

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.”

“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not!”

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?”

Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend, everyone!

3 Responses to The Early Morning Mirror
  1. Pam
    March 24, 2012 | 12:55 pm

    I am enjoying all you posts and can so relate, it seems it takes me twice as long to get ready as it once did. The shower is longer to loosen up everything that has gotten so stiff over the night.

  2. Anonymous
    March 24, 2012 | 6:39 pm

    LOL ! That was great Jodi. My secret is sleeping on your back. Got that one from some movie star way back when…don't remember who.. and every time i have a facial the gal asks me "are you a back sleeper" ?? there must be something to it !!!!!!!!!!! So put a few pillows under your knees girls and get cozy on your back!

  3. Jodie
    March 24, 2012 | 11:41 pm

    Hmmmm… The only problem with that, Anonymous, is that when I sleep on my back I usually have nightmares, AND (in my old age) my husband tells me I snore. I just may have to buy him earplugs and endure the nightmares.

    Thanks so much for the suggestion!

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About Me

It's true! Despite playing defense virtually all my life against the onslaught of this sometimes-ugly aging process, it...has...arrived! I naively thought I would escape cellulite (the Cottage Cheese) and crow's feet (the Crepe Paper). But I didn't! And why didn't anyone tell me about this emotional roller-coaster that comes with being an Empty-Nester?! My name is Jodie Barringer Myers. I'm a 54-year-old Friday/chardonnay/ hydrangea-loving wife/mom/court reporter living in Sacramento (Gold River!), California. Writing is cathartic for me. And because I look to find humor and humility among the rubble that is my now very peri-menopausal self, I'm hopeful that you will laugh, cry, learn, enjoy and, most of all, relate to what I have to say. After all, we're all in this together, right?

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