The Genetic Jackpot !

Genetic Jackpot! I definitely did not hit it.

(Waa-waa-waa-waaaa.)

Did you? Do you know someone who did? Oh, come on. You did not! And you don’t know anyone who did. And if you do think you won the Genetic Jackpot…you. are. delusional.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and all my beloved ancestors: I’m not complaining. At all. I’m proud of my DNA components, actually. Because they’re mine.

So as I sit here on this Friday night sipping my glass of Rodney Strong chardonnay, I shall give you the short list of what the DNA Dispensary issued — and neglected to issue — to mo′i. And yes, I’m talking about just the shallow, superficial, fun Friday night stuff. (Probably, also, because it’s way easier and so much more fun to laugh at the exterior, extraneous stuff rather than confront and expose my innumerable inner flaws and imperfections.)

So here goes:

*** My chin takes up a rather large portion of my face. It’s in my lineage. It goes way back.

I think somewhere out there I have a gene-pool connection with Jay Leno.

And if by some verrrrry off chance you are reading this, Brenda M. from my hometown of Porterville, I’m doing just fine with my superlative chin, thank you very much, despite the fact you called me “HORSE HEAD” in high school!! Remember that? Huh? (I so wish I could find you on Facebook now.)

*** At birth my thighs comprised approximately three-quarters of my 7 lb., 6 oz. birth weight. And they still do. Fact. And as you know if you’ve read this blog before, my DNA has served up extra helpings of cottage cheese on those ample thighs in my older years.

WHATever…

*** And what happened to my little toes? They’re like little “mini me’s” of the other four toes. They’re all lined up perfectly, and then…the little toes are way down there.

And Teri, you know exactly what I’m talking about! When we were in Carmel and I was trying on sandals, you asked, (very loudly, I might add, while in the shoe store), “Where is your little toe?!” :(

WHATever…

*** Do the letters AA mean anything to you? My breasts are… not voluminous. My “girls” are much more appropriately called “toddlers.” But! They’re God-made, not man-made or synthetically enhanced.

I so do NOT envy those CCC-E-cupped friends who complained all those years about the excruciating pain they were in as they hastily ascended their stairs. Neener-neener-neener. I so do NOT have that problem.

*** And yeah, so there’s been a pretty thick application of crepe paper surrounding my eyes over the years, which I know is DNA related.

So be it.

These eyes have also seen a lot of spectacular things. Like this:

Here’s the thing. The imperfections are what makes us all perfect. And unique. And special. We should embrace and celebrate all those imperfections. But do we?

I would like to think I’ve abided by one of my Mom’s Golden Rules, which is, “Do the best with what God gave you.”

And that is why I wear a lot of boatnecks and bandeaus. Because I really like my collarbone. I do think I’ve been blessed with a nice collarbone.

And for that I’m thankful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Responses to The Genetic Jackpot !
  1. Claudia Scott
    April 28, 2012 | 6:51 am

    this blog and your spot on descriptions keep me going!

  2. Becky Schultz Hall
    April 28, 2012 | 10:06 am

    HaHa! You are too funny! I’m really enjoying your spin on everything…And, as you know, I would have traded you those AA’s in a minute!

  3. Therese Fowler-Bailey
    April 28, 2012 | 11:02 am

    Ya know because of being FLAT all during High School TORTURE TEASING.. I can lAUGH-ouT-lOUD tODAY.. that my AA’s have turned into a nice B that haven’t gone tooo FAR south …YET!!
    I can sooo relate to all of your Neeener neeener neeeeners!! Loved this one..AGAIN!
    kEEP THEM coming.. When’s the NYC Best Seller coming out?? Hugs from T. Kuss

  4. Lois Galloway
    April 28, 2012 | 11:34 pm

    As always a delight to share your story, and that of every other woman. You just have better words to get the point across. Thanks for the reality and the laughs!

    Lois

  5. Julie Baker-Law
    April 29, 2012 | 7:44 am

    Loved this read with my first sip of Sunday morning coffee! Laughing in my living room all alone..This is a better read than the Home and Garden section of the paper. You are my favorite Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) blogging babe…keep em coming…

  6. Krista
    May 4, 2012 | 12:14 pm

    You’re a funny funny girl……you’re so beautiful in many ways….I can totally relate to DNA flaws…. We all can, thankfully we’re holding our own in the “not so bad for 50ish dept”…..can’t wait for the next blurb……

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About Me

It's true! Despite playing defense virtually all my life against the onslaught of this sometimes-ugly aging process, it...has...arrived! I naively thought I would escape cellulite (the Cottage Cheese) and crow's feet (the Crepe Paper). But I didn't! And why didn't anyone tell me about this emotional roller-coaster that comes with being an Empty-Nester?! My name is Jodie Barringer Myers. I'm a 54-year-old Friday/chardonnay/ hydrangea-loving wife/mom/court reporter living in Sacramento (Gold River!), California. Writing is cathartic for me. And because I look to find humor and humility among the rubble that is my now very peri-menopausal self, I'm hopeful that you will laugh, cry, learn, enjoy and, most of all, relate to what I have to say. After all, we're all in this together, right?

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